The Machine
by averysanatomy
Summary: Was he wrong to hope that this time things were going to be fine? Jackson deals with a dramatic turn of events concerning April's pregnancy.
1. Shake It Out

_"Regrets collect like old friends_  
 _Here to relive your darkest moments"_

 _"How in hell did he end up there?_ For the last ten minutes all he could do was stare at the ceiling, his mind running wild, trying to absorb the scene, like he wasn't the one inserted on it. Like he wasn't the one who initiated it. The cheap perfume was strong, and wrong. Too light, too soft, and got impregnated on everything, including the yellow sheets. And his skin. She smelled like daisies, and somehow sunshine, and this almost made him laugh, because this wasn't the light at the dark tunnel he was looking for at all. On the contrary, he felt like drowning more and more. The curtains were closed, but the city lights were enough for him to distinguish the body beside him, in a similar position, and her vapid breaths. He tried so hard, but at the end, he just couldn't do it. His hands didn't feel right in her body, and her hair was the wrong color and texture. Her lips didn't evoke the taste of paradise he was used to, and her legs were just too long and just couldn't lock the right way around his hips. The moment his name escaped her lips while he kissed down her throat, he was done.

Jackson closed his eyes, breathing deeply, as if ignoring the presence on his side would make everything go away. He felt the girl move, and could hear her shifting out of the bed, probably looking for the rest of her clothes on the floor. He remember looking at her across the bar, with the floral short dress, staring back at him, and asking himself " _Why not? It's not like you are married_ " And at the same time " _Maybe this will make you stop feeling like it._ ". And when she first kissed him, while playing darts " _It's not cheating, dumbass. You will have a baby, but it's not your wife the one expecting_ ". And when they called a cab, went to his new apartment, and he pressed her against the main door _"And April is fine. She is happy, and with her baby, and she doesn't care. She never did._ " And all the time trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head whispering how he kept telling lies to himself, and how it felt like cheating even after seven months.

Seven months of baby talk, baby touching, and OB appointments. Now and then they'd share a case and had to discuss the treatment, but out of it, they acted like unknowns. People from the outside would never assume they have been colleagues for twelve years, best friends for six, lovers for four, parents the first time for five months. They would only see the belly and the Avery boy and the Kepner girl trapped because of it. And at the nights outside the hospital he was used to think that maybe that was all that April saw too. Never him. But it was to painful to relive all that, so he'd rather let it fade in the background of his mind and focus on what was real, and that was the fact that in eight weeks he'd be a father. He wouldn't let anything on this world change it, not again.

 _"Is that it?_ " Her voice brought him back to reality, his hazy green eyes snapping open, but not looking out for her. He didn't need her on his mind for any longer. " _I'm sorry for… Everything_ ". He was an Avery after all. She deserved some consideration. It wasn't her fault he couldn't sort out his feelings and life before trying to sleep with a random woman, just because he was feeling lonely. It wasn't her fault he wouldn't admit that April was still the only one that could cure his pain, not when he asked for the divorce and pushed her away. She grunted, and the next thing he heard was his bedroom door closing after her, followed by the apartment one. He stayed like that for ten minutes more, until he gave up and stood, going to shower, trying to erase the remaining of the night from his mind. He was so tired after it, that even though he couldn't sleep in the semi-used sheets, he didn't bother to change them, just grabbing new ones and a new pillow and heading for the sofa he got used to while sharing the old apartment with " _And you thought things would change, hum?_ " Sleep didn't come easy, and he watched the first half of a rerun of the last Celtics game, the one he missed because April wasn't feeling well and called him. It was almost two when he drifted to his dreams, and it was past three when he woke up startled because of the hard knocks at his door and his mother's voice calling his name. Not bothering to put on a shirt and still dizzy, no matter how many times he had been awakened urgently, he ran for the sound and opened the door at once, his eyes down to meet his mother's, and suddenly he wasn't sleepy anymore.

 _"What happened?"_ He was already coming back inside, looking for clothes and his shoes. His heart was accelerated, and his guts twisting like the reaper had knocked and not Catherine. For the look in her eyes, maybe they were the same. He saw it. He felt it on his heart. And that's why he had his back to her right now. He couldn't let her see the despair on his face, or the fact that his mind was back to when Robbins and Herman told him and April that the baby was type II. And she hadn't even said a word. He ran for his room, opening his wardrobe and picking the first gray shirt he could, and his jacket. He could hear the slow steps of his mother heels down the corridor, maybe pondering how to tell him whatever she came to. It wasn't only the fact that his mother had her hair up, no make up on and tears behind her eyes that sold it out. It was because the night has never been his friend. When his father said his last goodbye to him; when he got the official announcement that Charles were dead; when he heard that the plane with his friends was missing and two days later he got the call that the airplane was found, Lexie was dead and Mark was barely hanging; When April left for Moline the first time; When he told April about Samuel's condition; the only and last time he had with him… And all the nights he spent, still spends missing her, more and more. For him, late night calls come with sorrow.

" _Babe_ " His mother started, and he held tight the car keys on his hand, doesn't letting the tears fall from his orbs. He wanted to ask her again, but he was afraid of what was coming. It was to much to ask the universe for a little happiness once in a while? Actually, shouldn't him have predicted it sooner? He couldn't say he was happy with his life, but at least this pregnancy and his life were on the right patch. When did this happen?  
" _Please, don't_ " Jackson breathed deeply, turning around and staring at her. " _Don't tell me I lost him. Any of them. Because you'd be lying. Because I left April at the hospital early tonight, and she was fine, well rested, laughing like I haven't seen her in years with Riggs. Actually glowing. And they were going into a really long surgery so that's why I didn't bother to say a proper goodnight, after all I'll be back there in a couple hours, when I can have her attention only on me and I don't have to deal with how I feel about him standing near her, and touching her in ways that she doesn't let me. Not anymore. So tell me I still have at least one more month to feel our baby kick, and to hear her complaining about her bladder, or the fact that she still have weird cravings involving chocolate and watermelons, and that when she is scared about the universe, she will call me because I'm still the one person who can calm her down or can make the baby to be quiet when she is trying to sleep. Tell me it's the hospital, then. That is has been destroyed by an earthquake that I didn't feel because I was asleep. Or that the Foundation is broke or some patient is suing me. But don't tell me it's them_."

Catherine kept her eyes on his, her jaw trembling of her own kept tears. Her hands were slightly forward, as trying to catch her son, hold him in her arms and never let go, blocking everything evil from reaching him ever again, as once she did, when his heart first break after discovering his father didn't plan on coming back. But he didn't move. He only stared at her, waiting for her answer, because he was now a man, and he have already fought demons she couldn't protect him from. Demons that now seemed to be back from hell. He survived the first wave, barely. He didn't know if he could do it again. She put her shaking hands down, and grabbed her phone, reading some message that just arrived, and didn't bother to reply, eyeing her son again. " _The surgery finished early. The patient bleed on the table an hour into it. She was on call, even though Hunt didn't want it for the last month, but it helps her to keep her mind away from… Well, she decided to go home and change clothes, but on her way back another car hit her on a crossway._ " Jackson's expression was blank, but his eyes were worse than dead. He looked somehow lost, even insane. The fist holding the key started to bleed. The minutes pass. " _Is she dead?_ " His voice was sharp, heavy, and steady, like coming from a man who spent a long time wandering without speaking a single word. A man who has seen too much. An empty man. " _She is in surgery ri…""Is the baby dead?_ " There was some relieve in his tone, but at the same time, it sounded like he was being teared apart, slowly. Again, and again. " _He is fine. For now. But they don't…""I've gotta go.""Jackson…""My wife and my baby are in a OR table and apparently nobody knows if any of them are going to make it. So I'm gonna be there. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that both of them come out alive. No one in this world is going to stop me. I'm taking no chances and waiting for no God. He doesn't have the right anymore._ "

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A/N: Hello everyone. This is my first FF in forever and my first attempt of writing in English, since it's not my first language. I'm obsessed with Japril and couldn't deal with my s12 feelings alone anymore. The ff is named The Machine for two reasons: First, April's nickname. Second, I'm also obsessed with Florence + The Machine and some of her songs reming me of my otp. Each chapter will be named after a song from it, pretty much like Grey's episodes. I'd highly recommend you, fellow shipper, to listen to the song or read the lyrics! And please, please review! Any opinion or critic is valid and I'd love to read them! I also have a tumblr ( thearcanachronicles ), so come and chat with me! Thank you again!


	2. No Light, No Light

_"You are the space in my bed_  
 _You are the silence in between_  
 _What I thought and what I said"_

He could remember the first time she called him in the middle of the night. She was almost eighteen weeks into the pregnancy and, in the month and a half that they shared the knowledge of it, they still hadn't overcome the rough patch that came with the fact that April had hidden it for twelve weeks, and that Arizona was the one to break the silence. He just couldn't see it as not betrayal. Sure, she told him she was scared of the prognosis, and, in her mind, she was finally putting him first, trying to protect him from the possibilities of the baby being sick again, to spare the pain that could come from a diagnosis. If he didn't know she was pregnant, he wouldn't suffer from any bad outcome. But she didn't want to get tested, so what did she expect? _For him to discover when she went into labor?_ Also, even though April tried to sell the image of self control and peace, he could read behind her eyes and see the turmoil. The redhead was barely hanging. If the baby was, indeed, sick, she wouldn't make. Hell, he probably wouldn't it either. So now, they were at least together during the appointments, and breathed with relieve after the genetic test came out clean. Their baby would be fine.

The only problem was the fact that, outside the hospital, it's parents barely talked to each other. That was what hurt Jackson most about their new arrangement. Sure, he demanded the divorce, but it wasn't like he was happy about it. Seeing her in the hospital and then going home alone was a constant pain. Every time his eyes locked with hers in the halls was a new punch in the gut. He couldn't even get near, because he'd catch himself smelling the air, looking for her perfume, staring at her rosy lips for too long. And this was before he knew she was carrying. Now, the moment his feet got inside the hospital, his eyes started looking for her and for any change in her body. The first time he saw the minimal bump showing, his soul screamed in want. To hold her, to kiss her endlessly. To soft whisper how much he loved her, no matter how many times she broke his heart. But the angry and the resentment were still there, so the green eyed man contained his hands, his dreams and wishes. The closer he got to the belly was during the 14 week follow-up US, after hearing the heartbeat for the first time. He just couldn't contain his eyes to get teared. April noticed it, grabbed his hands and put over her growing stomach. The next day, the wall was still there, but there was a lot more of smiles and small touching.

t didn't change the fact that, when his cellphone rang that night, near one in the morning, startling him up, he was surprised to find his ex-wife name on the screen. _"April? Is everything alright? What happened?"_ He heard her ragged breath, his heart leaping a beat. He sat quickly on his bed, looking for his jordans, thinking the worse. What could be so important to make April call him that late. They have barely talked that week _. "April, talk to me, where are you? Are you hurt? April!_ "" _Shh Jackson, I'm fine. Kinda._ " He stopped by the bedside table, his hand on it, curved, taking deep breaths to calm down. " _What happened then? Is the baby okay?/""Yes, Yes, it's fine. I… I'm sorry to bother you, did I wake you?"" No, it's ok. But talk to me then, what's wrong?_ " His voice was soft now, and he laid again, a small smile spreading on his face. It reminded him of different times, when one of them was on call and the missing was just too much. " _I don't know… I'm trying to sleep, but I just can't. The baby is awake."_ His chest was suddenly tight. When pregnant with Samuel, April was constantly texting him stuff like that and when Jackson was around, she'd tell him how baby Avery started to move in response to his daddy's voice. " _Well, don't you think I'm gonna make it worse?""Really doubt it. Last week, when I was at the pit, he was angry at me, but then you had a consult and as soon as I heard your voice, he calmed down. Like that. And I started to realize that your presence is actually tranquilizing. Believe me, I need that relief sometimes! See! It already stopped kicking!""Well, I can't see anything, but I think I can trust your word on this"_. There was an uncomfortable moment, the unsaid weighting on the line. Because the trust was broken, and he couldn't see anything because they weren't together anymore. Their position was similar, but the situation couldn't be more different. _"Do you wanna come home and be with us?_ " Her voice was filled with slight hope and fear, because as much as she expected a positive answer, she knew it was to soon for both of them. Maybe it would be too soon forever " _I have a surgery early tomorrow and…""Oh, of course, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you, Jackson. It's really late. But thank you anyway, it helped a lot! See you tomorrow, right?_ " She hang up before he could say anything else, leaving him with his own thoughts. And regrets. Because he wanted to go to the apartment, call it home. Even lay in their bed again, just to sleep with his wife and unborn baby, both pretending everything was the way it was supposed to be. In the end, he knew i'd only make it worse. Now it was her apartment, her bed, and being there would only create illusions on his mind that everything could be what once was. It wasn't worth to have his heart shattered again by the same woman. It hurt too much already the first dozen times. So he turned around, his eyes closing, trying to ignore the fact that April's voice had in him the same effect that she claimed his own had in the baby.

 _"A revelation in the light of the day  
_ _You can't choose what stays and what fades away"_

Jackson stormed through the hospital main doors ten minutes after leaving his apartment. He couldn't remember locking his car's door or even where he parked. _Couldn't care less.I'll just buy a new one, for fuck's sake._ What he needed in that moment was to reach his family and keep them alive. He could feel the eyes of the staff all over him, probably evaluating his state: Unfitting clothes, unshaved face, turmoiled expression, _so unbecoming for an Avery_. He'd give away his name and money if that meant to keep April. He'd give himself. He pressed continuously the elevator button, as if it'd make it arrive faster, but the number on the screen was still unchanged.

He was cursing under his breath when another hand stood over his own on the panel, steading it. His eyes recognized it, but it took one more second for Jackson to move his eyes in the direction of his unwanted guest. Nathan's face was impassive, just as troubled as his own. But there was something behind his eyes that made Jackson cringe: Pity. _Who does this guy think he is_ to invade his personal space that way and to dare to look at him like he is a lost mad man in need for help. He had everything under control. They weren't even friends. Jackson disliked Riggs since he came from Jordan for Kamal's case. He despised his touchy ways around April and the easy friendship that kept evolving to something he couldn't identify anymore, once he wasn't around them that much. He again remembered them early together going into an OR and realized the man was probably the last person that April had a conversation with before the accident. Wrath filled his mind while thinking about all the moments with April that Nathan Riggs stole from him. Now he understood why it was so easy for Hunt to despise the man.

 _"Avery, you can't go down now.""And who is going to stop me? You?""C'm on, you are family. You know they won't allow you in the OR. They have a great team downstairs, and Bailey is supervising everything…""And I own the fucking hospital. The devil's money has to be worth of something.""And you think this attitude is going to help? At least let's go to the cafeteria first so you can calm down a bit."" I Don't Need To Calm Down._ " Jackson snapped his arm away from Riggs', going two steps back so he could face better his opponent, his hands now on fists. If before someone wasn't paying attention to the scene, now with their raising voices it was impossible for them not be observed. " _All I need right now, and what I'm going to do, is to take this elevator down the OR levels, find my wife and our baby and make sure I'll still have both of them tomorrow._ "

The elevator ringed, announcing it's arrival, and Jackson jumped at it immediately, turning after pressing the number because Riggs had just followed him into the metal box. _"What the fuck you think you are doing? Don't you realize when you are not wanted?""Keps wouldn't like to wake up with a fatherless baby. Since dead is exactly what you are soon to become if I don't at least try to protect you from those inside the OR if you go into it like this, the idea is just to let them kick your ass out of there, and while they are distracted, to discover how everything is going._ " Jackson stared at the man, who had a forced smirk on his face. With a swift moment, he grabbed Riggs by his shoulders and pressed him against the elevator's wall, shaking it sideways. Their faces were so close that they could feel each other's breath. " _What right do you think you have? For how long do you know April? Do you think you know her? Her dreams and wishes? Her fears and cravings? Who the hell you think you are to walk into our lives and imagine you have some saying in it_?" His words were soft and sharp like knives, hands tighter over his chest. The elevator doors opened again, Jackson leaving quickly without looking back. He could hear that Riggs was following him by his soft, quick steps that started one minute later. Jackson's gaze danced from door to door looking for known faces, but obviously the OR April was in was the last one. He started pacing to get to it, only Nathan hands were now on his shoulder and he was the one being pushed agains the concrete wall. Nathan's face was worse than murderous and the pity was gone, replaced for something between resentment and pure despise. "Y _ou say you know April better than everyone around, but you are the one who turned your back on her when she came back trying to mend everything. And I get your point, don't think I don't, because I'd be pretty upset too. But you let her go, and you didn't try to be amicable with her after the divorce, not until you discovered she was pregnant. You fucking chose to forget everything you two went through the moment she signed the papers you shoved on her face. Like she meant nothing to you. So I understand your position and that somehow maybe you realized what you could lose. That you are angry, mad at yourself because you needed the universe to shove it down your throat so you could see it. But now you are the one who has no right on what's happening behind that doors. Just for you to know, I am Keps' emergency contact, and that's the one thing keeping me away from that table helping to save her life. So if I can't do it inside, the least I can do is to stop you from screwing everything else._ "

Jackson blinked, too shocked to form any sentences. Even after Riggs let him go and started walking in direction of the doomed door, he stood still against the wall, trying to absorb everything the foreign man just said. _Was it true, though_? Not only the fact that suddenly he wasn't April's emergency contact anymore, what would explain why his phone didn't ring announcing the accident, but was the way he was acting just a consequence of the sudden realization of what his life would become without April? She wouldn't just not be waiting for him at home. She wouldn't exist. Her existence simply vanishing in the blink of an eye. He'd never hear her soft voice anymore, feel her cinnamon scented shampoo, touch her peach skin, kiss her goddess like lips. It was _April_. The only constant in his life for the last twelve years. His mind couldn't bear that somehow she would just be gone.

The commotion at the end of the hall brought him back to earth, and he realized that Nathan had tried to go into the room without him, and was now being pushed out of it for no one less than the chief. " _You have no authorization to be down here. I already told you that we are doing everything we can to keep both of them alive…_ " Her voice drifted away when her eyes focused behind the intruder, on Jackson. He was standing in the middle of the corridor, his arms loose by the side of his body, eyes locked on Bailey's, hanging on each word. She gave him a tight, fake smile, nodding. " _Avery, I'm sorry, but you know you can't come either. For now, they are hanging. I have to go back inside, and I promise you that I'll do whatever I can to help them. April is one of my kids too, just like you. I don't need to lose another one of you at the OR table. Just do me a favor, stay here_." She softly spoke, motioning with her hands for him to not move, giving Riggs a pleading look after. " _You do not let him any step near._ "

Jackson could feel that her words had a hidden meaning. A shiver went down his spine after watching Bailey disappear. Maybe was the shock that came from Nathan's words or the fact that the chief was covered in what apparently was April's blood, but he didn't move a single toe. He suddenly was too scared to face what was waiting for him. Behind the door. After dawn. " _What did you see?_ " His eyes didn't move but from his peripheral vision he could see Riggs sitting on the floor, his eyes on the standing man. The brown haired man had to say something. He knew that if he didn't Jackson'd storm into the room. The problem was that if he said the entire truth nothing in the world would stop the man from doing the same. " _Keps is alive. They are still trying to stabilize her, so they don't have to deliver the baby early. Arizona is in there monitoring fetal stats, and there is no suffering still_." Jackson nodded and swallowed. " _She is fighting, you know? She is the machine. Nothing can stop her, Avery, remember?"_

His fists were closed again, but this time it wasn't anger. It was trust. He could not believe in God and anything in between, but _her_ … He believed in her. " _She is a soldier.""What?"_ Jackson's voice was stronger now, the sudden confidence filling his chest, making him speak louder " _She is a soldier_.". The impact of his words hit his brain at once, snapping him in movement, going forward in direction of the closed doors. He was almost running, surprising Riggs and don't giving him the time to stop him on his tracks. If April was fighting for hers and their baby's lives, how could be such a coward and not be in there, standing by her side.

The doors closing behind him were forgotten the moment his eyes absorbed the scene in front of them. He had to stabilize himself on the sink so he wouldn't fall to the ground, silently screaming. Losing his mind. Not a life practicing medicine could have prepared him to see the love of his life teared apart on a table, surrounded by surgeons, with their hands inside her, screaming to each other. The blue scrubs turned purple for so much red. Callie was by her right leg trying to repair what seemed to be her femur. More like what was left of it. The rest of April's leg was in a weird angle, but from his point of view it could be saved. It was the less of her problems. Pierce had her hands inside her chest, having already drained so much blood from her pleural cavity he asked himself if there was enough for the bypass, to keep her alive. Hunt was screaming over her apparently intact abdomen, side by side with Robbins, who had her eyes locked on the monitor probably showing the baby's vitals. The blond was talking to a man on the shadows. _Karev_. He was grabbing instruments and positioning by her side, one step behind. Bailey was in front of them, probably to help in the c-section that was soon to be started. Things were deteriorating fast. _Too fast_. He looked for April's monitors, to find them facing Amelia, who was now staring at his ex-wife's brain. Shepherd had just performed a craniotomy, probably to decrease intracranial pressure levels. After a quick evaluation, he just decided to ignore the stats anyway. They didn't show what he was looking for. Hope.

The team stood for a minute while Robbins grabbed the scalpel and cut April's skin, digging further with her hands, with Bailey's help. The redhead looked already so fragile that for a moment he thought that both doctors were going to finish tearing her apart. The moment Robbins took the baby out of the patient uterus, cut the cord, barely having time to collect the cord blood for tests, and handed the small human to Karev without giving Jackson time to see a glimpse of his crying child, he lost it. He picked a surgical mask and opened the doors separating him from the actual act. At once, all the doctor turned to see who came in, but Bailey, who was now assisting Owen, was the only one to keep her eyes on him for more than one second, the others so focused on keeping Kepner alive. " _What are you trying to do? Give them an infection? I told you to stay out of here, Avery. Where is R..."_

" _Is it a boy? April said so much that it'd be a boy that we already called it him. As always we couldn't agree, couldn't pick the freaking name. Well, if it's a girl I bet it's going to be pissed at us for not even caring about the possibility…_ " His eyes never left Karev's back, who barely motioned his head in direction of his friend's voice while putting the baby on the incubator, getting ready to move it to the neonatal intensive care unit. Jackson knew April was almost dying on the table by his side. The smell of her blood, guts, and burned flesh would never leave his nose again. At the same time he knew he couldn't have a closer look without freaking and that his friends were doing their best at saving her. He also knew that April'd rather have him beside their baby, taking care of it and being sure it was receiving the best treatment available. He'd be best where he was actually needed. Maybe a bit in denial.

Karen finally turned, looking at Jackson, a small smile showing behind his mask. " _Thank God Kepner called it right then. I wouldn't like to deal with Kepner's daughter freaking out about how her parents couldn't even realize she didn't have a penis. Maybe she'd ask your mom for one_." He started moving the cart, shoving his hand at Jackson to get him out of the way. When Alex finally crossed the newbie father, now with his eyes over the baby wrapped in a small blue sheet, full of thousand feelings, he couldn't do anything but roll his eyes and force a larger smile. Jackson was terrified. For the three of them. Happy that his baby was not hurt except for the fact that it was born too soon, but conscious that the woman he tried for so long to deny he was in love with was barely hanging.

" _Come on. This dude needs some special care, but he is a Kepner too, okay? He's already fighting. The least we can do is give him the help we can get. We're going up, so you can change clothes and be with him. She'd want that_." Obviously Alex was happy for his friends, hoping they could finally be a family. The only problem was April. He would avoid that line of thought till her last heart beat, the one he hoped wouldn't come too soon. _They just had their baby. Were just finding their way back to each other. Slow, but still_. He couldn't stay here with the baby and risk witnessing it. He couldn't let Jackson do it either, so he'd take him upstairs and let him have some moments with his baby. To give him time to understand what his life has become since this new twist of fate. Hopefully distracting him enough so he wouldn't ask about April's condition and the fact that her chances of surviving were slim.

* * *

A/N: Hello everyone! It's me again! Hope you are enjoying it! I'll try to update soon, at least once a week! Thank you very much!


	3. Cosmic Love

_And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat  
I tried to find the sound  
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness  
So darkness I became_

" _How dare you, Jackson?"_ April snapped at him, getting up from the chair she was sitting at the board table, motioning in direction of the door, next to where he stood in purpose, to not let her run away. " _How dare you say you are taking my kid from me? Do you really think I'm gonna watch you while you do it?_ "

 _"_ _Oh, because you can say that and get away, but I can't?_ " Jackson took a step into her direction, his finger pointing at her chest, eyes shotting daggers. " _That's exactly what you did, if you are insane enough to not realize. You told me I have no rights over this baby and closed the fucking door at my face, just to make a point. So yes, if I need to, I'm going on court to make sure I have a voice as much as I have genes involved_."

" _When there is a baby, you have every right over it. I told you that. But while it is inside of me, while I'm here to protect it, you are not taking it_."

" _What if you can't protect it? Screw it, did you fell and knock your head, because that's the only reason for your suddenly memory loss of how you couldn't protect Samuel_." He didn't low his voice, even after April's face going dead blank, having lost her breath, mouth hanging over his harsh words. " _Nobody could, April. He was getting hurt from moving inside of you, from being alive. If you keep denying this baby to get tested and it's indeed sick, you are causing him pain, not sparing him any suffering. You are being a cruel selfish mother for the sake of your own oblivious insane utopian fait_ h"

" _ENOUGH of this_." The door shot open and both of them turned to it with startled expressions. Catherine was at the portal, huge eyes staring at her son. From her looks, she'd just arrived from Boston and was not pleased at where this conversation was heading. " _Do I know you? Did you lost your brain since the last time I left because that's not the son I raised or the man I became to know._ " She crossed him, eyes locked with his green ones, stopping in the middle of the couple, putting her purse over the table.

" _Can't believe you are siding with her.._."

" _Who do you expect to side with You, once you are screaming things I can't dare to pronounce for the entire hospital and stressing this woman like she is not carrying your own child._ "

" _That's the point, she doesn't act like it's my chil.._ "

" _You will now get off this room and take a chill pill. I'll call you back inside when I'm done with April and consider you able to handle this situation like a grown man."_

" _Are you being serious? Because…_ " Jackson started laughing sardonically, shooting his hands up in the air, looking at his mother like he couldn't believe what she was saying.

" _I think you should listen to me, baby. Owen Hunt is waiting outside the room and I wouldn't need to ask him twice to swap your cute butt cheeks out of here for me._ "

She gave him a forced smile, moving her hands in his direction, clearly dismissing him. He gave her one more look of disbelief before turning around cursing, banging the door hard as he left the room, leaving the two women on their own. Catherine finally looked at April, giving her a sad but genuine smile, hugging her tightly. The redhead clearly wasn't expecting that action from her ex-mother-in-law, but after a second of hesitation hugged her back. After letting go, Catherine sit down, motioning for April to do the same. Both their faces were now serious, hence they knew the talk they were soon to have was not an easy one.

" _It's not an ideal situation, but it is still my grandbaby._ " The older woman extended her hands, holding April's. " _So let me tell you that I am very very happy for it_." Tears were running down in April's face, so the Avery held up one hand and started collecting them. " _I hope these are happy tears, because there is no other reason for them. I know my son can be… Well, a Jack-ass, but I know you can find it in your heart forgiveness and understanding. The last two years were hard for him._ "

" _I know. And I'm sorry, Catherine, I really am. I know I haven't said it to him yet, because I saw too late what I was doing to him. But I let him go, I gave him the divorce, I freed him. I can recognize now how I was being a bad wife, a bad person. I don't deserve him. Or his forgiveness. But now this baby… I'm so sorry I have to put you two through it all, I'm so so sorry_."

" _I am sorry too, April. And Jackson will be sorry once he realizes what is happening and what he has done. But I'm not here to talk about him. This is about you and this baby. You are my main concern now. So can you please explain why don't you want to get tested? And believe me when I say I'm listening to your reasons. I am a woman too. I know what it's like when people try to shut down our voices with their own opinions._ "

 _Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too  
So I stayed in the darkness with you_

Small. While staring at his son under the ultraviolet lights from the incubator at the NICU, all Jackson could process was that his baby was too small. _How could everything go downhill so quickly?_ Weren't he and April talking about how nice this pregnancy was being for both of them two days ago? How even thought they couldn't forget Samuel, this new baby was bringing them new horizons, new expectations for a future once so dark? They'd taken every test that existed on earth to assure his well-being; built the nurseries in both their places together after deciding that co-parenting was the best solution for all involved parties, because the baby happiness came first and he'd need all the support possible; bought everything a newborn could need or wish for…  
Now they were back at step one. _No, behind_. Because April was supossed to be here with him, holding their baby and giving him all the love and gratitude they held on their hearts. What was he supposed to do now? They'd imagined solutions for every scenario they thought possible, since tragedy wasn't scarce in their lifes, but this wasn't one of them. Not in one they weren't together.

He sensed someone aproaxing him from behind, so he cleared the tears that had leaked from his eyes with quick hands, sitting straight in the hard chair Karev brought him for his vigil. His mother's soft small hand held his right shoulder while he breathed heavily. His green eyes looked up searching for her own, but she was focused on the tiny encapsulated body in front of them.

" _He is handsome_." Her face opened up on a huge smile, approaching the glass box. Her son noticed on her face the marks of the tears that she too tried to hide " _He reminds me so much of you…_ "

" _He is too small. She was only thirty-two weeks… Wasn't supposed to deliver him already, and_ fuck _she should've been awake during it._ "

His harsh words made Catherine turn her attention to him. She knew from the moment she heard Riggs running with Hunt on his heels to the ambulance, saying that April was involved in an accident, holding for her life, that her son's healing heart would be torn apart again. She saw it the moment the words came out of her mouth on his apartment. If she could take the pain away, she'd have done it. The same way she'd have after Samuel's diagnosis, from both of them, because April was no longer just her son's best friend, but her child.

When Jackson called her, after his marriage, she was out of her mind, to say the least. _How could he be so inconsequent? And since when April Kepner was no longer a virgin? In which universe she had lost it to her son? Was it karma getting back at her for meddling on Kepner' sex life_? The thought of them being together had crossed her mind once or twice during her visits, but was completely hypothetical, probably because she was growing attached to the redhead that reminded her of how once she was too a small-town girl. He wasn't supposed to steal her from her _other_ wedding and take her to Lake Tahoe, for Heaven' sake. What about a relationship? A ceremony? The Avery Foundation? _Oh, she wouldn't hear the end of it once it reached Harper's ears_. So she hang up on him and waited for a face to face.

What she didn't expect at all was his declaration and the look of utterly adoration from both of them. He had never stood up from any other girl he dated, much less speak words as _The One_. Her son was a romantic, she knew, but April Kepner's immaculate vagina made quite a number on him. And that woman made him happy. Happier than she ever saw. So how could she hold it against them? So she gave up and embraced her new daughter, and again, for her surprise, it was like forever meant to be like that.

Then Samuel happened and tore them apart. It was hurtful to watch them losing themselves in the pain, not being able to come back to each other like they had done in the last decade disaster after disaster. When April left Jackson alone, Catherine could not turn her back on her because the girl had already become part of her as much as him. She could also see how dead inside the girl was, and that would be no use for Jackson, even if she'd stayed. Kepner was fighting for her own survival. The consequence was that her son was stuck on his grief, having not lost only his firstborn, but his partner. He never let his mother behind the mask, but she always made sure he knew she was there for him, specially when the pain was not only in his eyes, but also on the deep cuts over his skin. She too got resentful sometimes, over the weak girl that seemed to have forgotten everything she'd left in Seattle, but then the older would remind herself that after everything the yourger went through, she was notting but strong.

When April came back from her first tour, the Avery woman regretted every wish she made to whoever could be listening. Catherine expected a hardened woman for sure, but April was beyond that. She was detached. From everything, and everyone. She was far away from healed, as much Jackson. The difference was that now her son was not only dealing with the absence of his wife, but with her negligence. April was there but couldn't see that under her nose her husband was drowning in sorrow. So she still left for a second time and Catherine wasn't surprised when Mike Ferris contacted her saying that Jackson was putting the postnuptial agreement at use. She supported his decision, once the marriage was not but hurting him at that point and all she wished for was to see him smile again. It was not the time to bring what was on the back of her mind: That what he had with April was a once in a life time love, that they should try to work things out and go counseling, that they would only heal completely together because it have been them since the start. She had just wanted him free.

Jackson's call announcing the second pregnancy was as surprising as the wedding and the first one, but the feelings involved were the opposite. Jackson raged at April; at the situation; at how he'd wanted another kid after Samuel's death but the redhead couldn't listen to the idea without getting aggressive, but now that they were divorced she showed up pregnant; how she knew she was pregnant while signing the papers. She could only listen, knowing that behind all the angry, her son was scared. The wounds from Samuel's death were far from healed; because he, in his mind, was without a doubt alone, and couldn't bear the image of going through everything again. Life was knocking him down and he wouldn't be able to get on his feet if history was going to repeat itself. Catherine decided she was needed in Seattle the moment she hung up on Richard to answer Jackson and heard from his mouth that he'd do anything to take the baby from April.

So she came, tried hard to put some sense into both parents minds, talked to April about getting tested for the baby' sake without the harsh words that came from Jackson before; talked to her son about how he was not his father, so he would be responsible, lovable and put his kid necessities before his own. It wasn't easy, or quick, but she was proud to say that they'd come a long way. Maybe they were still too worried about what they'd become or what life would be after the birth of the child to realize that they were growing back together. That the long lost friendship between them seemed to be slowly returning. The love they shared was never lost, just pushed behind their own needs. Looking now at her son crying over his newborn, knowing that her daughter was still in surgery probably dying, made Catherine wish she had the same faith as the redhead, so she could plead and bargain for their sake. They had come so far to lose everything now.

" _He is here now. He is safe._ " The woman kneeled in front of Jackson, holding his face between her hands, making him focus on her and her words. " _It's not what we planned, but it's what we have. And we can deal with it. He needs special care, his first days will be in a hospital, yes. But he will have many more to spend out of here_." She saw his chin shiver and his red-shot eyes fill again with tears. He looked up, his mouth opening and closing, looking for words that never came. " _Baby… He will live._ "

Jackson closed his eyes tightly, letting out a sob. Catherine opened up her arms, letting him get off the chair, kneel on the floor, collapse into them, crying on her chest like a kid. He held hard, giving up at hiding the pain. A few tears left her own eyes, but they were not entirely sad. She was a bit broken because of the situation, her mind not having left the OR a few floors down, but she knew her son was finally letting go of the last two years and a half. He was no longer a father without a child. So she let him. Cry his tears of sorrow, worry and relieve all at once. He had held them for too long.

* * *

A/N: Hello! Thank you very very much for your support! You have no idea how much it means to me. So... Catherine is coming to town. Even though I don't think the show will go down this route, this is what I kinda hope for. Thank you again! Anything else, find me on tumblr! ( thearcanachronicles )


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